Oback Arama and Brandenburg Gate

Many seem to question my qualification to speak at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. I will now set forth to you my history of support of historic events which cry out that I merit the opportunity to speak at this important landmark.

Back when Winston Churchill gave his famous Iron Curtain speech in Fulton, Missouri in March, 1946 although I was not yet born, I gave my full support to everything he said to the extent that I was able, and I still support and endorse him completely.

I remember well the famous “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech given by my idol John F. Kennedy in Berlin back in June of 1963. I watched it from my crib on my mom’s TV that day. I gave JFK my full endorsement and support, and I was so moved by his words that from that day on I demanded that my mom let me wear big boy underpants. I still had a few accidents but I can say unequivocally that to this day, I almost never have any more accidents. I do, however, have a strange craving for jelly doughnuts.

Although the film actor, Ronald Reagan was a Republican of the opposite party, I supported him leading up to his speech in 1987 at the Berlin Wall by patriotically opposing mid range missiles in Europe, by supporting a nuclear freeze, and by opposing the Strategic Defense Initiative. Furthermore, in my powerful position as a community organizer in Chicago I was an instrumental part of the destruction of that wall.

I supported the 1991-92 Gulf War by patriotically opposing it as a law student and as President of the Harvard Law Review. My opposition to the war brought quick victory, although George H. W. Bush should have gone to Bagdad, so that I could have had an opportunity to oppose the occupation of Iraq. As president of the Law Review, I gained valuable experience as a wartime president that I will use to oppose things when I am elected U.S. President by you.

I am the only presidential candidate to patriotically oppose the current Iraq war from its beginning, and I am the only presidential candidate who actually had no power to vote for or against the war. You see, I was an important member of the Illinois Senate where I opposed the war by voting present on a great number of bills, and by voting in favor of the right to choose death for abortees accidently born alive. I also patriotically opposed the surge of troops in Iraq, and although some have said it has been a success, everyone I hang out with says it was too little too late.

I could probably drone on for hours about my qualifications but I will just sum up by saying that I shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, and say whatever is necessary in order to assure that I attain the presidency. I have the audacity of hope that you will now change your mind about this important issue. That will be hope and change that I can use.

I am Oback Arama and that’s why I’m running for president.