Oback Arama, Welfare, and Minimum Wage

Posted originally on Saturday, June 28, 2008 1:52:57 AM

I’m Oback Arama and I’m running for President. I have hope that in America we can revitalize some of the old tried and true policies of our wonderful Democrat party. My first move will be to resurrect the glorious Johnson administration’s War on Poverty and Great Society. Sure these programs spent a lot of money (trillions actually), but if you will give me a filibuster proof US Congress, I promise a sunami of funding that will make LBJ look like a cheap skate. I know that most of these programs were a failure, and that by all but Democrat calculations we lost that war, but that’s because we didn’t spend enough money. If we can spend a zillion dollars putting a man on Mars, then we can certainly spend a gazillion dollars to win the War on Poverty. I vow to spend every bit of change we have, if I must, to win this war. That’s change I can believe in.

Next I will push a bill through Congress raising the minimum wage to $15 per hour. That's a wage that will enable everyone to make enough money. If it turns out not to be enough, I’ll raise it to $20. That'll give more people more money to spend, which will increase spending and increase business receipts to help business owners pay the greater wages. So everyone wins. If people get laid off, we’ll just put them on welfare and pay them the same amount. My ultimate goal is to raise the minimum wage to $100, which will increase economic activity so much that everyone will have a flat screen television in every room of their $200,000 house. You may say, “hey Oback, how come you get to have that house in Chicago worth over a million and my house is only worth $200,000.” To that I must say, “I am Oback Arama.” Besides, I’ll be living in the White House which is worth way more than a million bucks. Once I’m in the White House, just try to get MiBelle and me out of there.

I have hope that these bold changes to our old failed policies will work this time. I want to bring Red State and Blue State America together to move us forward on these old initiatives. With a filibuster proof majority in Congress, we the Blue State majority will cram these programs down the throats of the Red State minority. Now that’s the kind of unity that works for me and that's change that I can believe in. I have hope that we will have the courage to remake America as it should be: a nation where we all can come together and call each other “comrade”. Can we do it?

Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!

I’m Oback Arama and I approved this message.